High Profile

I am terrified to change my profile picture on Facebook. It seems so destabilizing, like I am physically changing as my profile picture changes. It feels somewhat schizophrenic as well—some days I show up as mom-mindy, and other days I show up as biker-mindy. Then, and this is the worst scenario—I get stuck in this contest of the eternal quest for the picture that best represents how I THINK I look and how I want others to THINK I look for the rest of time. The profile picture is so permanent—like a tattoo—something else I am terrified to do for many of the same reasons.

I do not think this of others’ profile pictures. In fact, I encourage them to change their profiles by making comments like, “Ooh, that would make a great profile picture!” I truly am excited when they change their photos. I will go through the whole line-up of people who are now choosing to represent themselves in some other form and look at them in awe.

I find it interesting when people become inanimate objects—like a pregnancy test—or their dogs, or their kids. Of course, some days, we are more than just ourselves. Some days I feel like I am really just a double shot of espresso with a lot of crème. Although these profile picture selections make it very difficult when old high school people request to be my friend. I will not recognize their name because they got married and for some reason changed their name (some other blog) and I don’t recognize their kids or their dogs, and so I am at a total loss as to whether or not to be friends with them.

Sometimes I will waste hours (well really minutes) looking through photos thinking…ahaa!!! This should be my new profile picture. Because, in all truth, I am not really that satisfied with my current picture, but I am terrified to start the key of the picture-changing-mobile for fear of where it would take me. In fact I did change it once. I put up one picture, where I looked tan and my hair was nice and curly, but when I later logged on I thought, “Who is that slut on the cover of my Facebook?” I immediately took it down and put a picture of my bike frame up as my profile picture. But this was not me. I did not want old friends looking for me, only to find a carbon frame staring at them (beautiful as it is). So I went back to the original picture. This picture is an interesting choice in itself, in that it was taken on the front steps of my sister’s house when I had two of my children and three of her kids hanging all around me. I conveniently cropped them all out.

I figured I will have to change it someday, as that picture will no longer accurately represent me…like when I am 60.