I am ready to get on with my life

These are the words of my five year old on the eve of his first day of kindergarten. And Yes, I am a mother who cries when her kids go off to school. Sometimes people think we are sad because we want to cling on to our children—keep them young forever. This is not the case for me, as I count down the days until they can ride with me on long road rides, go off to college and maybe visit on the holidays. Yet, I still am drawn inward and become sullen when the major life milestones pass me by.

These events are a reminder of the human condition of impermanence, and our undying attempts to make things permanent. Ironically, the word, “settled,” carries a positive connotation in our culture. “Now I finally feel settled.” We reach and grasp to feel like we have everything under control, only to be reminded we don’t.

Going to kindergarten is much like this. As parents we’ve been besieged with figuring out how to live with tiny humans in our life. When they come into the world, they disrupt our sleep, our social life, our emotions, our finances. And after five years we finally begin to feel settled. And then you send them to kindergarten and the uncertainty begins again.

And so we begin again clutching to any control we can find—packing the right lunch, having the right school supplies, reading the best books. And maybe these help. And maybe they don’t. Sometimes it is enjoyable to be gloomy and soak in the passing of time and the reality that you have no control.

Children get impermanence. Of all the kids who showed up for their first day of school at a large, urban K-8 public school, not one student was crying. They were all ready to get on with their lives. They all grasp that life is changing. As a child it changes constantly—lose a tooth, grow a tooth, jump a shoe size, shoot up the measuring chart. A child is standing on the balls of their feet, knees slightly bent, looking at the world like, “What’s next?”

We are taught as parents today to help make them feel secure by giving them “lovies” or “stuffies”--objects of permanence that can help them feel like they can control their world. Are these items of stability really helping our kids? Or are they acculturating them to cling on to stuff and moments, only to feel great loss when they are gone?

These are questions for which I do not have the answer, but they are worthy of consideration. And for today, I am taking the lead from my five year old, and getting on with my life.